Saturday, December 6, 2008

Sleeping Beauty was given four "gifts" when she was born. Song, beauty, wit and a curse. Well little Italian girls are given plenty of curses when they are born. Little Italian girls are born with:
a) A crushing Catholic guilt complex
b) Short fuses
c) A set of tweezers in their hand
d) At least an extra 5 lbs than everyone else when they hit puberty (if they are a lucky little Italian girl it will go into their D-cup bra also handed to them at birth)
e) Tacky gold jewelry given to them by their grandmothers

(This post was in response to the fact that as a half-Sicilian I am sick and tired of having to tweeze every 5 seconds and, not to be totally vain here, if I EVER get rich I'm having lazer hair removal. Haha.)

The upside of being a (half) Italian
a) At some point in your life you will prob attract a decent amount of men, if for nothing else than the fact that you are an Italian girl
b) We have a nice line up of good looking men to pick from
c) Parts of Italy are leaning towards Socialism right now (yeah, fascism didn't really work and capitalism is retarded)
d) You probably have someone in your family who can cook so well you don't give a shit about those extra 5 lbs
e) Those extra 5 lbs will probably be directed at your chest

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